


A Date With A Dashing Young Man

by Burning_Sol



Category: Everyman HYBRID
Genre: shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2020-01-12 04:54:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18439454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Burning_Sol/pseuds/Burning_Sol
Summary: habit made me do it





	A Date With A Dashing Young Man

“Ah yes. I think I’ll have the spaghetti.”

 

“And you madam?” The waiter asked.

 

You stuttered, looking between Slender and the waiter. Could the guy even  _ eat  _ spaghetti? You found yourself looking a little too closely at the waiter’s face, staring at that black mustache that  _ really  _ didn’t fit and you could  _ probably  _ safely guess was fake. Then again, you had seen another waiter around with the  _ same  _ goofy mustache, so maybe it was part of the dress code? As weird as that was to think about. 

 

“Uhhhh. I don’t know... Just what he’s having I guess?”

 

“But of course. We’ll prepare it as quickly as possible.”

 

You nodded awkwardly and gawked at the waiter when he  _ literally  _ skipped away from your table, carrying the menus he had scooped up from in front of you. You knew you were currently having a date with a supernatural entity, but that just seemed a  _ tad  _ bizzare to you. “So.” Your head snapped back to look at Slender’s lack of a face. “I hope this place is to your liking. There’s not really many places I can go to, as you would imagine.”

 

“No no! It’s fine. I suppose it would be a little hard to make reservations with… Um… Uh…”

 

“Yes. Exactly.”

 

“. . . . . .”

 

“Do you have any hobbies?”

 

“Ah… Well, heh, yeah! I mean… I write a bit, mostly drawing though. As you could probably imagine.”

 

“What kind of things do you draw?”

 

“You. Mostly. Especially when I’m wide awake at night.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“. . . . . .”

 

“I’m hungry.”

 

“Yeah, so am I.”

 

“OUI OUI MOTHER FUCKERS.” The waiter exclaimed, popping up from nowhere with your food. You lurched to the side, almost toppling over your chair in a shock. WHAT THE FUCK? WHERE DID HE COME FROM? “I’m here with your food! Two plates of spaghetti!”

 

You were staring wide eyed at the waiter as he put down the plates in front of you. “Ah, beautiful!” Slender exclaimed.

 

“GUUUUUH.”

 

Slender twirled a forkful up and splatted the food against his lack of a face. Oh. So He couldn’t eat. “Mmmm! This is simply delicious! Won’t you try it dear?”

 

“UUUUUUUUUUUUUH.”

 

You looked down at the plate of spaghetti in front of you. You’re pretty sure it was playdough with red sauce poured over it. Were these guys serious? You picked up your fork, not wanted to be rude, and was about to get a spoonful of the poisonous substance yourself. However, fate would have other plans as the waiter suddenly kicked over the table like a fucking maniac. Yelling, “HELL YEAH!!” Slender simply sat there, still smearing the fake spaghetti all over his lack of a face. 

 

“Wh- what the fuck?”

 

“SLENDER BOi. it’S ME. HABIT MAN.”

 

Slender gasped, dropping his fork (finally). “N O .” Oh lord. The sauce was smeared on to make a smiley face. 

 

“YES. I AM HERE TO ABDUCT YOUR wIFE.” You were about to protest, but HABIT swept you up bridal style in his arms, already running off.

 

“GET BACK HERE YOU FIEND!!”

 

HABIT only stopped at the door, where the other waiter was waiting. HABIT dropped keys into the other waiter’s hand and ruffled his hair. “Here’s the keys to the tank, keep the stick in the mud busy. Won’tcha?” 

 

HABIT opened the door of the cardboard cutout restaurant. Literally. It was literally made of cardboard. He rushed to the street curb and past the tank that was parked out the front, standing you up on the back of a tricycle. HABIT sat down and you were surprised the little thing didn’t collapse under your combined weight, although it did creak a little alarmingly. HABIT pulled out onto the road and floored it, pedaling the little vehicle as quickly as he could manage with Evan’s little legs. He actually rode kind of fast and you had to cling onto his shoulders so you didn’t fall off. 

 

You rode into the night until you were on a highway, and then HABIT finally stopped the vehicle.

 

“Oh thank god, I thought my legs were gonna give out. HABIT, where are we?”

 

“In the Safari desert.”

 

“I see.”

 

“I have a confession to make.”

 

“I see.”

 

“I’m leaving you.”

 

” **What.** ”

 

And just like that, HABIT scooted off leaving you stranded on the highway.

 

It was a very nice dinner.


End file.
